Follow the Leader
by asiancherries
Summary: SessRin death fic, with a psychological twist.


_Follow the Leader_

Disclaimer: Yet one more thing I cannot claim sole responsibility for. Pity.

Rin added another twig to the pathetic fire she had managed to build. It had taken her many months of failure to finally master getting a fire started on her own. Now she was in the process of learning how to keep one going.

The rain was slow, and cold, and fell in big drops through the tree cover. They would land unexpectedly on a slip of bare skin, making Rin shiver with discomfort. She sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve. It would be much better when summer came, she knew. At least then the weather would know what to do with itself. Spring days were beaming with warm sunlight and blowing with chill wind. Rain was always ice cold, and frost still lingered on the ground in the early mornings when she woke up. It was a bitter season, and often Rin found herself despairing that it would never end.

Sometimes, it didn't matter at all.

Jakken-sama was pacing with an intensity that Rin knew only the little toad could possess. He was always nervous when Sesshomaru-sama left them alone, and rarely indulged himself with entertaining Rin's company. She had learned to stop trying years ago anyway; it only led to fighting. True, there were times that she refused to put a leash on her tongue, but she did not fault herself for those moments of weakness. Not everyone can be as unaffected as Sesshomaru-sama, she reminded herself.

In the fire, three fish and a few wild radishes were spiked on pointed sticks and leaning into the flames. It was a paltry dinner, like many dinners before and to come. But it was nourishment, and she had managed to do it all herself. Sesshomaru-sama never helped, and Jakken-sama didn't like to help with food now that she was older. He claimed Rin was big enough to fend for herself, yet she always ended up fending for him as well in the process. It didn't matter. She wouldn't begrudge the little man a decent meal. They had been through enough together that petty issues of self-importance were almost like a joke.

But the pacing was starting to annoy her.

"Mou!" Rin scolded. "Sit down, Jakken-sama! Dinner is almost ready anyway, and you're upsetting Aun."

The second part was true, in a small sense. The dragon tended to get keyed up whenever Jakken-sama took to turning himself into a ticking clock of impatience. Each head would snort in turn, and its paws would slap against the dirt in preparation to spring upright at any given notice. But if this continued over time, as it had tonight, Aun would become irritable and aggressive. It had snapped at Rin twice already when she tried to take the reins off each of the necks. She threw up her hands and resolved that the animal would just have to stay in full tack until dinner was ready and Jakken-sama sat down.

The fish smelled quite delicious, and Rin was pleased with her albeit rough culinary talents. Eagerly, she picked up one of the trout, and twirled it around in her hands, waiting for it to cool. She glanced over at the frantic toad, trying to get him to notice her example and follow suit.

"I'm not hungry," Jakken-sama snapped. He was standing still though, finally. The Staff of Heads was being wedged into the dirt absently while the imp looked about with his frantic, bulbous eyes. "Sesshomaru-sama will be back soon." As if that fact alone was enough to stay his hunger.

Rin wasn't sure if the words were in the form of a question or a statement. "Yes, yes," she hurriedly placated. "Now just sit and eat, so you can be ready to travel when he does."

Jakken-sama let out a tittering laugh. His face contorted with fear, and he raised a hand to his mouth and began chewing on his fingers. "Sesshomaru-sama will be back soon," he whimpered brokenly. His little body began to tremble, and he gazed off into the distance with dread. "How long has it been?" he whispered.

Rin sighed impatiently. The woods they had been traveling through that day were filled with predatory eyes. With Sesshomaru-sama, they could rely on his massive demonic aura to frighten off any threats. But with the weak demonic aura of a pack animal and a toad, even the birds looked on them with a greedy hunger. It had been quite a harrowing day.

"I don't know," she answered in a clipped tone. "It doesn't matter, he'll be back. Now come eat!" She glared at the imp, hoping that he would just snap out of it and come and sit by her to share their little meal. Jakken-sama swiveled his head and caught the girl's glare full on. There was an intense stare-down for a moment, until something inside the imp broke free.

"Liar!" he screeched. "Don't poison me with your rancid food!" He rushed towards the fire and grabbed the remaining fish and the few radishes, then turned to hurl them into the woods. Aun growled and got up to go after some of it; it had been their dinner too.

Rin jumped to her feet in a rage. "What was that for?" she screamed. "You just ruined your dinner, and mine too!" Granted, she still had the fish she had pulled earlier in her hand, and for that she was grateful. But she had been looking forward to the vegetables all day; next to mushrooms, radishes were her favorite, and they were much rarer to come by.

Jakken-sama stomped towards the girl and began beating her legs with his staff. "You think you're so clever! Dragging me all the way out into the woods to kill me! Well it won't work!" He was squawking in a very high pitch, giving anything that could hear within range cause to shiver.

"I'm not trying to kill you!" Rin cried, kicking the toad in the chest, and sending him stumbling backwards.

Jakken-sama would not relent, and charged again. "Yes you are!" he sobbed. "You're trying to kill me because Sesshomaru-sama hates you, and doesn't need you anymore!" He had started crying now. Big, fat tears were rolling down his cheeks, glistening on his already slimy skin.

Normally, a display like this would break Rin's heart. She hated to see Jakken-sama cry, and when it happened she usually relented and gave in to whatever the imp was wailing on about. But this time, the words stung parts Rin had worked so hard to keep hidden. She feared the dog demon's motives in keeping her in his company, and had for a good while. It was a raw subject. She had been made vulnerable to this attack by the weather, and the woods, and the gathering stress from the past week. It was only a matter of time before she snapped too. She wasn't going to try and deny it of its intensity.

"You selfish old man!" she yelled angrily. "You think everything revolves around your precious Sesshomaru-sama, and that I'm just an inconsequential whim of his! Who has taken care of you all this time? Who has fed you, and made sure you stayed warm, and protected you from predators?"

"Sesshomaru-sama!" Jakken-sama howled, beating on Rin with greater intensity.

"Sesshomaru-sama is DEAD!" Rin screamed, ripping her throat raw.

Jakken-sama had abandoned words and was crying out in a series of chirps and croaks, undoubtedly of his native tongue. Rin had never actually been taught any of it, but she knew what he was saying all the same.

_Liar!_

It had been nearly a year. He had left them alone only two days prior, to go and defeat a dragon. Rin had felt a sinking feeling in her gut soon after her lord had left; recent events had not been kind to him. His father's sword, Tenseiga, had been broken by an ogre on a fluke. The blade had fallen from its master's hip and was crushed underfoot. The dog demon knew that it could not be fixed. There was absolutely no chance that he would have the capability to replicate the sword's powers with one of his own fangs. He gathered up the pieces and packed them away.

Inuyasha had emerged from the final battle with Naraku more powerful than ever. With the help of the odd little miko he kept at his side, he managed to transform into his maddened demon state, but remain of sound mind through the girl's purification. When the dust cleared, the sacred jewel was recovered whole from the rubble and held tightly in the hands of both youths. Inuyasha did become a full demon like he had wanted, but in the purified state that enabled him to remain rational and in control of the rage in his blood. The girl had been restored with the remainder of her soul that had been lingering in the undead miko that had once sealed Inuyasha to a tree. She surrendered to death of her own free will, and in that she preserved her heart in the last ghost of her existence, sending it to join her reincarnation in both women's devotion for the hanyou. Sesshomaru-sama had not taken this transformation well. He didn't talk about what exactly upset him in regards to the situation, but Rin grew wary of the dark look he would get in his eyes during moments she knew him to be thinking about it.

And then the dragon. It had appeared out of nowhere, and rampaged through the Western Lands in efforts to draw Sesshomaru-sama out into battle. Of course, the dog demon knew of the unspoken challenge and went to accept it. When he had told his little band of followers what he was going off to do, Rin could hear the ache in his voice. Sesshomaru-sama was weary. Everything that had been certain in his universe had suddenly fallen apart. The girl nearly cried when the demon patted her head as he said goodbye; he never touched her, ever.

They had found him three days later in a mangled, bloody heap. The dragon was dead, and in much worse shape, but Sesshomaru-sama had not been able to defeat his foe without a cost. Something inside Rin gave her the impression that it was more self-defeat than anything that shaded the outcome of the fight. She sensed that the dog demon did not really want to win, but he had never been one to just surrender. So he had fought hard, and died bravely much like his father. Without the sword, and with his half brother surpassing him in every way their father had wanted, what else then could Sesshomaru-sama do to stay in touch with his father's spirit than to die like the noble dog demon had? Inuyasha was notified, and honored his estranged brother with the decency of a tomb next to their father's, per Sesshomaru-sama's wishes. Several of the hanyou's companions offered to take Rin in, but she refused.

Jakken-sama had not taken the death well.

He slipped in and out of reality in a lucid dream. Mostly, he remained in a state of constant vigil, as if he were perpetually stuck in the night before their master's fate was revealed. There were days that he would remember. On those days, he would run, and Rin would have to chase him down on the dragon to make sure he didn't get hurt. She never knew what truly went through the little imp's mind at any given moment, but she could clearly see the pain and despair on the rare days that Jakken-sama decided to wake.

She had no time to grieve. Taking care of Jakken-sama had become her priority right from the first moment they were set out on their own. Rin could not in good conscience just leave someone who had taken care of her for so many years. They were Sesshomaru-sama's followers, and even without their leader to follow, they were still his.

There were days that she just couldn't stand it. Rin thought she might go mad herself sometimes, or wondered if she already had. Times would pass with Rin sitting for hours without blinking, lost in some world that even she was not sure of. And it was almost impossible to keep Jakken-sama's mind at rest. She was only human, and grew tired after her nerves had been frayed to the last end. Then she would break, and tell him that he was a fool. That everything he believed was a lie, and demand he be grateful for all that she had done to keep that lie safe. Rin got nothing out of staying with Jakken-sama, other than a routine. But it had been her routine for almost as long as she could remember. Very little of her life before Sesshomaru-sama existed in her mind. So she stayed, and played along, hoping that one day she might be able to join the imp in his fantasy that Sesshomaru-sama was coming back.

Today, she was tired, and had no will to be angry for very long. Jakken-sama had thrown himself on the ground and was wracked with sobs. She bent down to hold him, and he gratefully allowed himself to be held. It was enough to quiet Rin's heart for another day.

Tomorrow, they would wake up, and everything would start like it had that awful day before their world was destroyed. She would lead them about the Western Lands, not knowing really where they were going. It was just what they did; the destinations never mattered anyway. Jakken-sama would wait expectantly for their lord to return, always with an innocent faith in his eyes.

He had always come back for them. He would continue to always come back for them.

Rin felt her own tears slipping down her cheeks, but did not bother to wipe them away. When Jakken-sama finally managed to calm down, she would share her dinner with him, and then they would go to bed and cry themselves to sleep. Tomorrow, she would feel better, having got all of the built up stress and unpleasantness out of her system. She would be able to withstand another week of this false existence because of these controlled purges. They had become a new part in their routine.

The girl hugged her friend closer and bit her lower lip. It pained her to think of what would happen to Jakken-sama when she was old and feeble, unable to care for him any longer. Who would watch after the imp when she was dead? He was a demon, and stood to live many, many more years than she. Mercifully, Rin prayed that she would not have to worry about this. She had already stopped Jakken-sama from trying to kill himself twice. One day, she would be strong enough to let him go.

It just wasn't fair. She wanted to curse him for ever reviving her. Death, she quickly discovered, was much easier than life. She did not know how long she stood to live, but she knew that each day would be greeted with a broken heart and a faded memory of a man in white who protected her valiantly.

He wasn't supposed to die first. Demons were supposed to live forever. But in her own way, she was glad. Now that she knew what it was like to lose someone she dearly loved, she wouldn't have wished Sesshomaru-sama to suffer the same with her eventual human death. She could bear this burden for him. He had taught her how to be strong enough so she could.

"He'll be back soon," she whispered to Jakken-sama gently. "Soon."

And she believed it.

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A/N: This story came to me at 2am in the midst of injuring myself to write chapter 4 of my other fan fic _The Pearl_. It was finished by 4am, and the title was changed because I dreamed of it. Because of my previous obligation to _The Pearl_, I refused to obsess over this one and as such shall post it as is. I'm sorry if it's a bit rough, and I'll probably go back and revise it later.


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